Dear parents … God STILL has work for you to do and you will ALWAYS be relevant and needed! Learn from Mordecai’s example and other college parents. So MUCH great advice packed inside!
Each August across the nation, parents drop off their children and leave them with an institution they have no control over.
Their children disappear behind ivory pillars and locked doors.
It’s a scary time.
They are handing over the most precious gift God ever gave.
[x_custom_headline type=”center” level=”h1″ looks_like=”h3” accent=”true”]Dear parents of college students[/x_custom_headline]
… to be continued …
I’m reminded of another who watched the child on loan to him disappear beyond his protection.
I’m talking about Mordecai, the relative-turned-father for the well-known Bible heroine, Esther.
The story of Esther is not about Mordecai. Actually, it’s not even about Esther. It’s about the providential work of God to carry out His plans for His people. But He used a supporting cast, right?
And since ALL Scripture is inspired, I believe there is inspiration within these pages for dear parents facing the same challenge Mordecai faced.
Mordecai CONTINUED to be near and available
Esther was no longer under his direct supervision, but she was never outside of his influence. He continued to spend much time invested in knowing how she was.
“And every day Mordecai walked in front of the court of the harem to learn how Esther was and what was happening to her.” (Esther 2:11)
Throughout the story, Esther knew exactly where to find Mordecai when she needed his help or needed to hear his advice.
Mordecai CONTINUED to challenge, instruct, and inspire her
In the first half of the book, there are three records of Mordecai’s words to Esther:
1- He gave her advice and instruction before she ever entered the palace:
“Esther had not made known her people or kindred, for Mordecai had commanded her not to make it known.” (Esther 2:10)
“… for Esther obeyed Mordecai just as when she was brought up by him.” (Esther 2:20)
2-He passed along relevant information that affected her situation:
[After discovering the plot to kill the king]
“And this came to the knowledge of Mordecai, and he told it to Queen Esther, and Esther told the king in the name of Mordecai.” (Esther 2:22)
3- He admonished and challenged her to do the right — albeit hard — thing:
Esther’s first reaction to the news of the plot against the Jews was not bold action but rather fear (and understandably so).
Mordecai recognized the consequences, saw the bigger picture, and discerned that this WAS a time for him to speak hard truth with authority.
“Then Mordecai told them to reply to Esther, Do not think to yourself that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews.
For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish.
And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:13-14)
Mordecai CONTINUED on in his own service to God
Dear parents, Do you know how the book of Esther ends?
Take a minute and think. Because I bet you answer with something like the Jews’ defense of themselves or the feast of Purim.
And you would be right. But that’s not the final word.
Here are the last words on record:
“And all the acts of his power and might, and the full account of the high honor of Mordecai, to which the king advanced him, are they not written in the Book of the Chronicles of the kings of Media and Persia?
For Mordecai the Jew was second in rank to King Ahasuerus, and he was great among the Jews and popular with the multitude of his brothers, for he sought the welfare of his people and spoke peace to all his people.” (Esther 10:2-3)
To be CONTINUED …
Yes, your child is moving on beyond your protection, but not outside your influence.
What you have taught will continue to teach.
I know it feels like you’ve been punched in the stomach. Driving away, you might as well have been driving off a pier. The emotions flooded and you may be drowning in memories and grief.
Dear parents, Take them to God. He knows this story well. After all, He sent HIS Son off beyond His protection once upon a time as well.
He will sustain you through the grief and then He will be your source of wisdom as you discern — as did Mordecai — when to watch, when to speak, and when to admonish.
And I know you know this. But I’m going to say it anyway. Pray. Pray. Pray. This is your:
- biggest gift to your child,
- your greatest weapon against the enemy who stalks your child, and
- your most certain source of peace.
Dear friend ~ This is not the end.
You are still the parent and you will ALWAYS be relevant and needed.
And don’t forget:
God still has work for you to do.
Just because the intense years of child rearing are behind you doesn’t mean you are finished. You’ve simply completed another chapter of His story and plan for your life.
…You CONTINUE to be available to your child.
…You CONTINUE to be the parent.
…You CONTINUE on with purpose and mission in the kingdom.
Because after all, it’s not about you. It’s not about your child.
It’s about what God is doing in this world, through each of you, to accomplish His providential plan.
And who knows but what God brought you to this place for “Such a time as this?”
Listen to the wisdom of those who’ve walked a mile in your shoes:
From Alesha:
The colleges/world will tell you your children are adults now, take a back seat. This is not Biblical. All through scripture children were to respect their parents’ opinions, direction, and even requests.
You didn’t suddenly stop being the parent because your child is 18 or because they’ve moved away to college. God entrusted them to YOU.
* Continue to pray, advise, and make requests. Command continued respect.
* Sure, you’ve got to loosen the apron strings, but PLEASE don’t let go!
* Let them know you love them, you’re praying for them, and you expect their best.
Most of all, trust God to get both of you through this, you and your child.
From Karen:
Don’t get too upset if things aren’t going perfectly for your student.
My son once poured his heart out to me on the phone and after listening and trying to say some reassuring words, I spent a lot of time worrying about it.
When I next talked to him, he had already forgotten the situation he had complained about and all was well!
This is the time for your child to begin solving his own problems and they can do it if we let them!
From Ray:
… What Karen said is fresh in my memory of a daughter who occasionally called with anguish to share. We hurt for her. After all, our precious child was hundreds of miles away hurting and we could do nothing to help.
But the old King James Version said it in many places, “It came to pass,” and it usually did before we were finished worrying about it. We survived it, and so did she, with not too many grey hairs accrued.
⇒P.S. This is my dad. {I might have been a bit of a drama queen in my younger years :) }
From Marva:
I’ve made the mistake of thinking that my children were ok because I was there to protect them. I quickly realized that it is God who watches over them and keeps them safe. Now I pray for them and trust Him!
From Ruthie:
Cheer them on and get a hobby. You’ll do yourself (and your kid) a favor. But be sure to be readily available, any time day or night, for they will still need you – a LOT!
(Ruthie writes about launching her four young adults on her blog Rear.Release.Regroup.
Start with this post for some great inspiration: “How God Cares for our Launched Children“)
From Paula:
… You’ve raised them to be the person they are, so let them be that person …God is the best umbrella to put over your child!
From Penny:
[A speaker at a new student conference told us…]
“Your child will call and be ‘happy, happy, happy’ so you listen and rejoice with him/her. Other times, your student will call and be ‘sad, sad, sad.’ So, you listen BUT you do not offer to fix the problem.”
… Many times when one of mine called home and was ‘sad, sad, sad’ and I expressed at the end of the conversation that I really felt like I had not offered much help, my child would often say in a brighter voice, “It is ok. I really think I just needed someone to listen.”
… I would also tell my adult child that I would pray for him/her and I might offer some advice, if I felt that God was leading me to offer it.
From Anita:
I am so thankful that God gives us “stages” of this letting go process.
1- The “what’s next after high school” stage
(Which includes fervent prayers like: “Lord, please direct this child of Yours, and help me to accept the outcome”)
2- The “oh. my. gracious. She’s leaving us” stage, as you drive away from high school graduation
3- The “let’s get organized and somehow fit all this stuff into the cars to somehow fit into this amazingly small dorm room” stage
(And as you drive away, wondering if you’ve been praying enough for her new friends, new routines, new everything that is miles from home)
4- The “who is this new independent person who is visiting us at Christmas???” stage
5- The “but we are still praying our hearts out for your wise choices, and we will still have crucial conversations about life with you” stage
6- The “we love seeing you stepping out of your comfort zones to serve Him in far off lands and we will keep praying our hearts out” stage
7- The “I think you have solid plans for your future.
… I love your independence.
… Please keep me posted on how I can pray” stage
… and I think that last stage will continue past college and into her future.
From Michelle:
Sometimes, despite our best efforts and years of training, things will look like they completely crashed.
… Remember that it isn’t the final chapter so reserve judgment. Pray instead of panic. Love wisely. Prepare yourself for the moment grace needs to be extended. That will get all of you through the “less than what you had hoped for” moments.
Read the REST of Michelle’s wisdom in her own GUEST Post: The process of letting go (What you need to know)
[button shape=”rounded” size=”large” href=”https://christigee.com/topics/parenting-articles/parenting-teens/” title=”Parenting Teens and Beyond” info_content=”” lightbox_caption=”” id=”” class=”” style=””]Keep Reading: More Posts Like This[/button]
Launching teenagers into young adulthood is not for the faint of heart.
Parenting teens is hard.
You’ll be reminded you’re not alone in this stage.
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