When the struggle with being real is REAL

How can we be more real — transparently walking with Jesus and doing life with each other? Lessons learned from a wise mentor about how to both embrace the mess and still encourage others to keep looking to Jesus.

{Guest post: For more on this writer, see bio at end.}

My 20+-year mentor, Mary Beulah Palmer, recently went home to be with the Lord. In many ways, she was the woman I want to be: passionate about Jesus, gifted counselor and encourager to others, hospitable, and real.

Real. Not perfect. Not prideful. Not pious. Just real.

I want the real me to be just that: someone who loves Jesus wholeheartedly, has wise words to share, cheers others on, and welcomes them to be with me.

In a world that is filled with “perfect life” posts and a million books and blogs on what “Christ-like” life looks like, my struggle with being REAL is real. My pride wants to project shiny and together on the outside: a perfect marriage, kids who make me look like I parented them ideally, respected in my career, and having an influential ministry.

But my heart is not fooled. It knows how often my marriage, parenting, work life, and ministry fall short because of selfishness, anger, frustration, being tired, or circumstances that are outside of my control. Real to me means that I somehow live life in such a way that people see me genuinely depending on Jesus, giving credit to Him for the good, and demonstrating the grace I live under in the not so good.

Mary Beulah modeled this so well. We could spend days planning a decorating project so my living room would have a beautiful appearance or we could sit for hours while I poured out my heart about how angry I was at being treated a certain way.

On the fun, “frivolous” days, she encouraged me to enjoy the satisfaction of creating a beautiful home. In the dark days, she didn’t judge or give me platitudes. She embraced the mess and helped me realize Jesus understood and was my strength and source of hope. We could discuss the impact of a black lampshade in the room one day, and wrestle with how to show love in a difficult situation the next.

Real life stuff. Real responses. Her encouragement made life better and ultimately pointed me to love Jesus more.

Our world needs more Real — more transparency about what it looks like to walk passionately with Jesus each day.

It’s the challenge I’m giving myself since Mary Beulah’s death and my realization of how much I want to be like her. It’s the prayer I have for myself as I am in the Word or listening to a sermon: “How do these verses change me to be more transparent and real with Jesus and with others?”

This verse strikes me as one way to move in the direction I want to go:

“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt,
so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”
(Col. 4:6, NASB)

Salt, in excess, is unhealthy and unpalatable. Salt, in the right amount, helps our body chemistry and makes things taste better.

I’m asking Jesus to help this verse be the filter on my speech so that I can be an authentic person with others — one whose words are the right response, with the right amount of “salt.”

I believe it’s a good step in the direction of being that “real” person who is transparent in walking with and pointing others to Jesus like my precious friend Mary Beulah did so well.

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About the Guest Writer:

Patti Weaver has been John’s wife for almost 33 years and together they have 3 adult children: Margaret (married to Cory), Bobby and Laura.

Patti has an Industrial Engineering degree from Texas A&M University and returned to her Dow Chemical career in 2011 after a 17 year “break” to raise kids and work in a variety of family-owned construction businesses.

She loves being involved in her church, leading in marriage ministry, and spending time with family and friends doing projects or talking about life.

More posts on the topics of friendship, ministry, work,
and all-around doing life together:

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